


No Us Without You

by MysteriousMidnight



Series: Dear Evan Hansen One Shots [17]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: All The Usual Warnings for Dear Evan Hansen, Alternate Ending, Alternate Ending to Make the Pain Stop, Angst, Anxiety, Coming Out, Conguel, Depression, Everybody Lives/Nobody Dies, Explicit Language, Hurt/Comfort, Kleinguel, Kleinguel is Jared and Miguel, M/M, Miconman, Miconman is Miguel and Connor and Jared, Multi, One Shot, Other, Panic Attacks, Some Fluff, Suicide Attempt, The next tag is a spoiler but it IS an alternate ending so..., kleinphy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28041801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriousMidnight/pseuds/MysteriousMidnight
Summary: When Connor overdoses and ends up in a coma, Jared and Miguel have to come to terms with the fact that they might lose him.*This is an ALTERNATE ENDING to Make the Pain Stop*
Relationships: Jared Kleinman/Connor Murphy, Jared Kleinman/Miguel, Miguel/Connor Murphy (Dear Evan Hansen)
Series: Dear Evan Hansen One Shots [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1757371
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiii all! This has been a LONG time in the making, and it was HIGHLY requested. It's an alternate ending to Make the Pain Stop, which you can find here -> https://archiveofourown.org/works/24976765
> 
> PLEASE NOTE: Chapter One is from the original fic. Chapter Two starts the alternate ending. So if you've read Make the Pain Stop, you could technically skip chapter one and go right to chapter two. 
> 
> If you HAVE NOT read Make the Pain Stop, read both chapters or you'll miss out on a LOT. 
> 
> Enjoy <3

Evan nearly levitated when Jared came up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder.

“Heya, Acorn,” Jared quipped, putting his hands up and stepping back. “What’s got you trembling? A breeze in your leaves?” He cackled at his own joke.

Evan glared at him, clutching his books close to his body. “You’re not- that’s not- Just...” His eyes darted around, like he was looking for someone.

Jared frowned. “Okay, but seriously?”

Evan sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just, um... C-Connor Murphy- He, um-“

“What _about_ Connor?” Jared demanded. He hadn’t seen Connor since he’d made the school shooter crack that morning, and he’d been feeling guilty ever since. He’d taken it too far, and he owed Connor an apology.

“He just... After you, you know, called him a school shooter and ran, I kind of... I laughed? And I didn’t mean to, I swear, I just- I got- it was just-“

“Evan,” Jared snapped. “I don’t care, just spit it out.”

Evan’s eyes widened. Jared rarely yelled at him... He swallowed back his tears. “He pushed me and he ran. And-and then he found me later in the computer lab. And I think he was trying to apologize. He even signed my cast.” He held it up to show Jared. “B-but...“ He started to shake, looking terrified. His breathing became ragged, and he leaned back into the lockers like he couldn’t hold himself up anymore.

“Evan, _breathe_ ,” Jared said firmly. “In and out, right?” This wasn’t the first time Jared had talked Evan through a panic attack; he was usually calmer about it, though. But he needed to know what had happened to Connor.

Evan nodded, doing as Jared said. It took a few minutes, but he finally calmed down enough to continue speaking.

“He took my- this, um... This letter I had to- um, it was an assignment.. a letter to-to myself, and-“

“A letter to yourself?” Jared snapped. “What the crap does that even mean? Is it, like, a sex thing?”

“ _No_!” Evan spluttered. “It’s not a _sex_ thing. It was... just... It doesn’t matter. Connor took it and it- he got mad because it mentioned-“

Jared groaned. “Please tell me you didn’t talk about your creepy crush on Zoe in your sex letter.” Jared knew Connor wasn’t close to his sister anymore, but he was wracked with guilt over the way he’d treated her, and he was still _very_ protective of her.

Evan blushed. “He just... he read that part and, I guess he freaked out and he ran off and-and... oh god, do you think he’ll show it to people?”

“He’s gonna ruin your life with it,” Jared shrugged, trying to play it off like his heart wasn’t beating a million miles in his chest. “I mean, I would.”

Evan whimpered, eyes wide with panic. “W-what do I do..???”

Jared shrugged, already starting to walk away. “I dunno... Maybe he won’t do anything, you never know...” He was practically out to the front doors before the final bell had even rung. He shouted a quick “later!” at Evan before bolting to the senior parking lot and jumping in his car. He pulled his phone out.

**Jared: Yo, where are you? Haven’t seen u all day.**

Ten minutes went by without a response.

**Jared: Evan told me what happened. He’s cool, man, he wasn’t trying to be creepy. Not defending him, but u don’t have to worry he’s gonna, like, be a creep to Zoe or anything.**

Still nothing.

“Fuck,” Jared grumbled. He switched over to another text thread.

**Jared: Dude, have u heard from Connor?**

**Miguel: He messaged me earlier but I was at work. Tried to reply but my boss caught me with my phone and I had to stop. I messaged him when I got home but he hasn’t replied. Why?**

“Shit shit shit,” Jared groaned, throwing his head back.

**Jared: Can I come over?**

**Miguel: Sure, my mom won’t be home till later**

Jared didn’t bother taking the time to reply. He just threw the car into drive and sped off.

~*~*~

Miguel and Connor both lived on the other side of town, just on the edge of the school district. Miguel had gone to his fancy private school, Hanover, so it hadn’t mattered. But if Connor had lived just a few blocks over, he would have been in the neighboring district, and Jared may never have met him and, in turn, would never have met Miguel. He couldn’t imagine his life without Connor and Miguel.

His hands gripped the wheel as he made the turn onto Miguel’s street, nearly crying with relief when his house came into view. He parked on the street and ran inside, heading straight up to Miguel’s room.

Miguel turned when he heard Jared enter the room, grinning at him. “Hey, _pendejo_. What’s-“ He paused, taking in Jared’s panicked face. “What’s wrong?”

“Connor left school this morning and never came back. And he isn’t answering either of our texts.”

Miguel frowned. “Okay. Okay, well.. that’s not _so_ unusual for him. You know how he gets sometimes.”

“I know, I _know_ ,” Jared sighed. “But I’m worried. He’s been so withdrawn lately. I-I might have gone too far with a joke I made this morning. I wanted to apologize, I-“

Miguel stepped forward, arms wrapping around Jared. “It’s okay, _pendejo_.” Jared buried his face in Miguel’s shoulder, breathing his spicy scent in. “If we don’t hear from him by tomorrow, maybe you can try asking his sister.”

Jared pulled back. “I haven’t spoken a _word_ to Zoe in my life. She’ll definitely be suspicious if I try talking to her.”

“She will be, sure, but at least you’ll find out what’s going on.”

“If she even tells me,” Jared grumbled, crossing him arms. “She’s seen me bully Connor so many times, she’ll probably think I’m trying to get dirt on him to humiliate him when he’s back at school.”

Miguel stepper closer, running a finger under Jared’s glasses, brushing away the few tears that Jared hadn’t been able to hold back. He hated crying in front of people. He hadn’t cried in front of his parents in years. Evan had seen him cry once, but Evan wasn’t one to judge; he cried during cheesy rom-coms all the time.

Miguel and Connor were the only ones who really saw the real him, though. All of him. Literally and figuratively. He felt safe around them, he knew they wouldn’t judge him.

“Do you wanna stay for dinner? My mom will be home late but we’ve got some leftovers in the fridge.”

Jared nodded. He didn’t want to go home yet. He’d have to put a poker face on for his parents, and then he’d be alone with his thoughts. He quickly texted his parents to let them know he was studying with Evan (Evan always backed him up on this, no questions asked).

“Come on,” Miguel said, tugging him to the bed. He lay down, holding his arms out for Jared. Jared put his glasses on the night table, then crawled in next to him, collapsing with his head on Miguel’s chest.

“Take a nap, I’ll wake you in a little bit.” Miguel rubbed Jared’s back until the tension left his body and his breathing evened out.

Miguel planted a kiss on Jared’s head, then stared up at the ceiling. Though he’d tried to remain calm for Jared’s sake, he was worried. Connor had definitely been withdrawing lately, despite his and Jared’s efforts to keep him grounded and centered. He’d been fighting with his parents more, skipping class more, and smoking more. And though Miguel couldn’t get him to admit it, he was pretty sure Connor was abusing Adderall and sleeping pills again - a combination he’d first discovered at Hanover, and had used to get through exams.

He sighed, continuing to rub Jared’s back with one hand, while using the other to text Connor again. But he was met with radio silence.

~*~*~

Connor wasn’t by his locker the next day. Or the day after that. Zoe was also MIA, which was even more worrying. By the third day, Jared was in a state of panic that he’d never experienced before. He’d spent the last two nights at Miguel’s house because the idea of being alone with his thoughts terrified him. They had agreed that, if Connor wasn’t in school today, they’d go to his house. He’d kill them for showing up unannounced but they didn’t care - they were too worried to care.

Jared had a test in English, but he couldn’t focus at all. He kept staring at Connor’s empty seat, his mind going to Very Bad places.

“Evan.”

Evan jumped, eyes widening as the teacher approached his desk.

“The principal would like to see you. Please leave your test with me, you can finish it at lunch.”

“I... but..” Evan gulped. “O-okay.”

Jared frowned. What could the principal possibly want with Evan? He watched Evan leave, staring after him until the teacher reminded him to keep his eyes on his own paper.

The second the bell rang, he practically threw his paper at the teacher in his hurry to get to the principal’s office. He got there just as Evan emerged, looking pale and shaky. Jared ran over, startling Evan so badly, he dropped his bag.

“What happened? Who are they?” He asked, glancing at an older couple in the office. The woman looked like she’d been crying, and she was clutching a piece of paper in her hands.

“I-I-I-I-I-“ Evan was malfunctioning. His eyes were wide and blank, his mouth hanging open. He was white as a ghost.

“Evan, dude! Snap out of it! What was that all about?”

Evan finally looked up at Jared. He shook his head, slapped a hand over his mouth, and bolted.

“Evan!” Jared called, turning to run after him.

“Excuse me.”

Jared paused, glancing at the couple from the office.

“Do you know that boy?” The woman asked, lip trembling.

“Evan? Yeah? What’s it to you?”

“Did you see what happened between him and ... and Connor Murphy a few days ago?”

Jared frowned. Why would they - Oh. “You’re Connor’s parents...”

They exchanged a look. The man mumbled something to his wife. She nodded and shuffled off towards the exit. The man turned his attention to Jared, puffing up to his full height. Jared fought the urge to roll his eyes. He’d heard enough stories from Connor about his douchebag father, he wasn’t going to be intimidated by the man.

“Are you and Connor... friends?” He paused, frowning. “We - my wife and I - we thought that Evan was Connor’s friend. The letter.. it said..” He shook his head, scowling. “Do you know Connor?”

Jared hesitated. Connor would kill him... But he needed to know what was going on. “Yeah, we’re friends. What’s going on? Why hasn’t he been in school?”

“Connor...” The man huffed, shaking his head again. “He tried to take his own life.”

Jared staggered back, the words like a physical blow. “W-what? Is he... You said _tried_..?”

“My wife found him, called for an ambulance. But he’s... he’s in a coma. The doctors don’t know...” He cleared his throat. “We were hoping Evan would know what had happened, if there had been any signs, but... Maybe you-?”

Jared froze. He didn’t know how much he should or shouldn’t say. “I-I only saw him that morning. He was...” He shrugged. “Kind of moody, I guess. But that wasn’t unusual for him.”

Mr. Murphy frowned at Jared. “Did he say anything? Do anything? Did he give ANY indication that he was going to...” He twisted his wedding band around on his finger, agitated.

Jared hesitated again. Connor hadn’t been sleeping. He’d been high more often than not. He’d been grumpy and moody and a little bit snippy. But none of those things were unusual. Connor had his moods and they always passed.

“If you KNOW something,” Mr. Murphy said firmly, taking a step closer to Jared.

Jared shook his head, taking a step back. “Is he... will he be okay? I mean, he’ll wake up, right?”

“The doctors... they don’t know,” Mr. Murphy replied, shaking his head. “He’s still ... They’re still monitoring him and running tests.”

Jared felt like he was going to be sick. He had to get out of there. He had to get Miguel.

“Can he have visitors?” He finally asked.

Mr. Murphy frowned. “I suppose so. He’s at Mercy Hospital, room 2201.”

Jared nodded, turning to leave. He bumped into Evan, who stumbled back, looking worse than he had before he’d run away. Mr. Murphy frowned at Evan. He opened his mouth to say something, changed his mind, and stalked away.

“I’m sorry,” Evan moaned. “I think I need to go home. I can’t... Connor tried to _kill himself_. He had my letter on him, oh my god.” He wrapped his arms around his middle, like he was trying to shrink into himself. “They thought my letter was his suicide note. They thought we were friends. I-I tried to explain what happened but- Jared?”

Jared wasn’t sure what Evan saw in his eyes, but Evan stepped closer, reaching a hand out as if to rest it on Jared’s arm. Jared flinched back.

“Are you...? Can I... Should I get a teacher? You don’t look good... I mean, you just look- Hey, are you _crying_?”

Jared took his glasses off, rubbing at his eyes. Sure enough, his hand came away wet. Fuck.

“I gotta go... I gotta... I need to just...” Jared felt like his brain was malfunctioning. Like someone was sitting on his chest and crushing him. He gasped for air, sinking to the floor. He pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them.

“Jared?” Evan asked in alarm, sitting beside his friend. He hesitated before wrapping an arm around Jared’s shoulder.

Jared started to pull away, surprised and uncomfortable by the show of affection. But then he sank into it, sobbing into Evan’s side.

After a few minutes, he pulled away, sniffling. He needed to compose himself, he needed to get Miguel and they needed to get to Connor.

Thank god class was in session and there weren’t many people in the halls. Jared would never be able to show his face again, otherwise. He still wasn’t sure if he could. He’d never broken down like this in front of anyone besides Miguel and Connor, and he felt shitty and vulnerable and uncomfortable.

“Jared...” Evan said carefully.

Jared jumped to his feet. “You tell _anyone_ about this, I swear, Evan..”

Evan scrambled up. “I won’t, I swear. But what-“

“I gotta go,” he snapped, making a break for the doors. He didn’t calm down until he was safely locked away in his car.

**Jared: Coming to u. Meet me outside. Explain on way.**

Jared didn’t wait for Miguel’s answer. He started the car and drove. When he arrived twenty minutes later, Miguel was waiting for him. Jared rolled to a stop long enough for Miguel to scramble in, and then he was driving again.

“What’s going on, _pendejo_?” he asked, glancing nervously at the speedometer, then back at Jared.

Jared gripped the wheel. “Connor’s parents came to the school today.”

Miguel paled, staring at Jared. “What.. Is he..?“

“Alive but in a coma,” Jared said flatly. He’d thrown his walls back up again, something he didn’t normally do in front of Miguel, but he didn’t want to cry again. He couldn’t.

Miguel fell silent, numb.

They arrived at the hospital faster than they should have. Jared wasn’t sure how fast he had been going, exactly, but he’d gotten them there in one piece. They ran inside and up to the second floor.

“We’re here to see Connor Murphy. Room 2201.”

“Are you family?” The nurse asked, frowning at them.

“Cousins,” Miguel said quickly, flashing his most charming smile. The nurse narrowed her eyes, not falling for his charms, but pointed them in the right direction.

“I’d laugh my ass off at you right now, if I weren’t so worried about Connor,” Jared quipped.

Miguel scowled at him. “That _always_ works. I must be off my game today..”

“No shit, we’re in a _hospital_ to visit our boyfriend who just OD’d. I’d be concerned if you _were_ on your game, dude.”

Miguel harrumphed at him, but they both came to a stop when they reached Connor’s room.

Jared grabbed Miguel’s hand and squeezed. Miguel squeezed back. The Murphy’s were nowhere to be seen. So they each took one more second to compose themselves before walking into the room and stepping up to Connor’s bedside.

Jared whimpered, turning in to Miguel’s side. Miguel wrapped an arm around him, swallowing back the tears that threatened to fall. Connor looked so... small. So pale. His hair looked dirty and tangled, his lips chapped so badly they looked like they had bled. His nail polish had been picked off to a point that his nails looked almost naked. He had tubes and needles everywhere, a blood pressure cuff, a pulse monitor. The IV stand had three different bags attached to it.

Miguel shifted forward, keeping his arm around Jared, but moving just enough so he could hold Connor’s hand.

“His hand is like ice,” Miguel shivered. Usually Connor was like their personal heater. It almost unsettled him more than the other stuff. Almost.

“Can we help you?”

Miguel quickly dropped Connor’s hand, and Jared pulled away from his side. The Murphy’s stood before them, looking incredibly confused.

“Oh, you’re that boy we met at the school today... I’m- I didn’t get your name, I’m so sorry,” Cynthia apologized, her smile watery.

Jared opened his mouth, but he couldn’t her his voice to work.

“Jared,” Miguel filled in, pointing at him. “And I’m Miguel.”

“Did.. Were you friends with Connor, too?” Larry asked, looking completely perplexed, like the idea that his son had more than one friend was completely unfathomable.

“You could say that,” Miguel said, after a moment’s hesitation. 

“Wait,” Zoe demanded, turning to look at Jared. “Friends? You and Connor? The only time I ever saw you talking to my brother, you were bullying him.”

Jared’s mouth fell open. “I- No, it wasn’t like that.”

“Yeah it was,” Zoe snapped. “I _heard_ you. You called him a school shooter.”

“What?” Cynthia demanded, as Larry stalked towards him, anger in his eyes.

Jared shook his head frantically, stepping closer to Miguel. Miguel gave his hand a squeeze. Larry paused, staring at their laced fingers. He took a step back.

“We _were_ friends,” Jared insisted. “I just.. We had a... He didn’t want anyone to know we were friends, so we pretended to hate each other at school. The school shooter joke was too far, I know that. But I was _going_ to apologize. And then.. And then...” He glanced at Connor, a small whimper escaping.

“Why didn’t he want anyone to know you were friends?” Cynthia asked with a frown. Almost as if in answer, Larry glanced down at Jared and Miguel’s clasped hands, then back up at them. Jared sneered at him.

“Yeah, no, it wasn’t because of this” he snapped at Larry, raising their hands higher so everyone in the room could see. “Connor was cool with this. He wasn’t a homophobic jackass.” Jared stared hard at Larry when he said this, and the implication was obvious enough that Larry narrowed his eyes at Jared, taking a menacing step forward.

Cynthia let out a soft, “oh!” while Zoe just frowned at them. 

“Connor just...” Jared shrugged, scrambling for a good excuse that _wouldn't_ come back to bite him in the ass.

“Connor was bullied a lot,” Miguel said, voice steady, despite the fact that he felt ready to break down. “He didn’t want Jared to get bullied, too, and he would have if people knew they hung out.”

Cynthia sniffled. “My poor baby,” she whined, moving forward and grabbing Connor’s hand in her own. 

“Maybe we should go,” Miguel murmured to Jared, tugging him from the room. Zoe watched them suspiciously, but Larry and Cynthia didn’t notice as they left.

Neither spoke as they made their way back to the car. 

“You okay to drive, _pendejo_?”

Jared shook his head, passing his keys to Miguel. He stared out the window the whole way back to Miguel’s. Miguel parked on the street, turning to Jared. 

“How are you so calm?” Jared finally asked, glancing over at him.

Miguel shook his head. “Believe me, I’m not. But one of us has to stay calm and rational.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Hey, I can be calm and rational. I’m the king of rational.”

Miguel snickered, but it felt wrong, given what they’d just seen and experienced. He sighed, grabbing Jared’s hand.

“The last thing I said to him was... that he looked like a school shooter,” Jared said after a minute, sniffling. “What if he doesn’t wake up? What if that’s the last thing I ever get to say to him?”

“He knows you love him,” Miguel said firmly. “He knows we both love him, _pendejo_. And he knows you were putting on an act. He knows you didn’t mean it.”

Jared huffed, shaking his head. He felt drained. “I hope you’re right.”

“I’m _always_ right,” Miguel reminded him, kissing Jared’s cheek. Jared turned to him, leaning closer and pressing their lips together. It started as a quick, chaste kiss, but quickly became more insistent, almost needy. Jared was practically climbing over the console into Miguel’s lap.

“Mmmm, as much as I’m enjoying this, I don’t think you’re in the right state of mind for it,” Miguel admitted, pushing Jared back. “You’re too upset. You need to go home and rest.”

Jared pouted, but he knew Miguel was right. Even if he was too stubborn to admit it. 

“Or you can stay over again, if you want.”

“As much as I’d love that, I better make an appearance at home before my parents start to wonder why I’m spending so much time with ‘Evan.’”

Miguel nodded reluctantly. “Okay. But let me know when you’re home safe.” 

They got out of the car. Miguel came around to Jared’s side and pulled him in for one last hug. Jared snuggled close, burying his face in Miguel’s neck. They pulled apart and, with one final kiss, Miguel went inside and Jared got back in the car to go home.

~*~*~

Jared was grateful when he got home and his parents weren’t there – until he read the note they left: _Sitting Shiva at the Katz’s – Mrs. Katz’s mother passed last week. Leftovers in fridge. Home soon._

Jared winced, crumpling the letter up and tossing it across the room. He did _not_ want to think about sitting Shiva, when Connor was... When he might not...

Jared took his glasses off and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, desperate to not cry _again_. No one was home to witness it, at least, but he’d cried more today than he had in the last four years.

He shoved his glasses back on and stomped up to his room, closing and locking the door. He kneeled by his bed, pulling a box out from underneath. Inside was a framed photograph of him, Miguel and Connor, taken over the summer when the local carnival had come to town.

The carnival wasn’t exactly Miguel or Connor’s idea of fun, but Jared had just seen Love, Simon and – being the closeted hopeless romantic that he was – had convinced them to go. Connor, being the tallest, had taken the selfie; in the picture, they were all smooshed together, grinning like idiots, with Jared holding the unicorn stuffed animal Connor had won for him. Jared snickered at the memory – the game had been a beanbag toss, and Connor had shitty aim, but Jared had fallen in love with the unicorn and Connor had been determined to win it for him. $100 later, Jared had a soft, fluffy unicorn, and Connor had a shit-eating grin on his face because he’d beaten the stupid, rigged game AND made Jared happy.

Jared put the photo back into the box, then pulled the unicorn out and clutched it tight against his chest. He hated keeping the photo and unicorn hidden in a box under his bed, but Evan came over to play video games all the time, and would _definitely_ question the giant, gay rainbow unicorn if it was sitting on his bed all the time. And if he saw the picture of him, Connor and Miguel? He didn’t even want to think about it...

No, he didn’t want to think at all. He just wanted to curl into a ball on his bed and hug the unicorn and cry.

~*~*~

Evan was standing by Jared’s locker the next day. Jared froze at the end of the hall, wondering if he could get away with _not_ stopping at his locker. He knew Evan would ask if he was okay and he _really_ didn’t want to talk about it or cry _again_. Unfortunately, they had an open book test first period, so he had no choice but to go to his locker.

He huffed put a breath before marching over to Evan and holding his hand up. “Not a peep about the other day, Hansen. I mean it.”

Evan’s jaw dropped. “I just.. I wanted to make sure you’re, you know-“

“Not. A. Fucking. Word.” Jared (gently) shoved Evan aside so he could get what he needed. As soon as he had everything, he slammed his locker shut and took off without turning back to Evan. He felt a little bit guilty, but he just couldn’t.

~*~*~

Miguel paused in Connor’s hospital room doorway. He looked around to make sure the Murphy’s weren’t there before slipping into the room and sitting in the chair by Connor’s bed. He picked up Connor’s cold hand and held it between both of his own, trying to warm it.

“Dude, your hands are so fucking cold,” he said, shaking his head at Connor. “You’re never cold, it’s weird.” 

He felt a bit stupid talking to someone in a coma, but everything he’d read said that coma patients could hear when people talked to them, and sometimes it made them wake up faster. He’d try anything if it meant getting Connor to wake up.

“Remember that time you, Jared and I went to that ice cream place? And Jared dared you to eat that 12-scoop sundae and try to get on A La Mode’s Ice Cream Challenge Wall of Fame? But you got such a bad brain freeze after, like, the fifth scoop that you got a coffee, hoping it would counter the brain freeze and make the pain stop, but it just scalded the roof of your mouth?” He paused, frowning at Connor. “Maybe that’s not the best story for right now. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t joke about you making the pain stop when you’re... Like this.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face, sighing in frustration. “I don’t understand why you’d do this, _principito_. Why couldn’t you just _talk_ to us? We would have been there for you. We could have _helped_. You never could let those damn walls down long enough to admit you needed help.”

“What are you doing?”

Miguel jumped, turning to find Zoe standing there, eyes narrowed with suspicion. He stood, turning to face her. “Just... Wanted to check on Connor.”

How much had Zoe heard? What had he actually said? He couldn’t even remember..

“So, you two...?”

“Friends,” Miguel said quickly. Too quickly, apparently, because Zoe was eyeing him.

“Friends who.. hold hands?” Zoe questioned.

“Sure,” Miguel shrugged. “Friends can hold hands when they’re comforting each other.”

Zoe nodded. “And you and Jared...?”

“Obviously more than friends,” Miguel said with a smirk. “Something your dad clearly has a problem with.”

Zoe frowned at him, but didn’t say anything. “And Jared really IS my brother’s friend? Because all I’ve ever seen him do is bully him..”

“That’s just how Jared is. Connor didn’t care, they laughed about it outside of school,” Miguel assured her. 

“Okay, but that’s the other thing. I’ve _never_ seen either of you hang out with Connor outside of school.”

Miguel snickered. “Sorry, sorry,” he said quickly, when Zoe glared at him. “But I mean.. Really? Of course you haven’t, _niña boba_. Did you really think Connor would have us come to _your_ house?”

“I guess you’re right..” Zoe finally said, sighing. “Sorry for the third degree. It’s just.. Connor’s never mentioned friends. And he’s a big target for bullies. And I know we haven’t been close in awhile, but...” She shrugged, crossing her arms. She glanced at Connor, blinking back tears. 

“You care about him,” Miguel said finishing her thought. “You know he cares about you, too.” Zoe snorted. “He does. He talks all the time about how he regrets the way he treated you. He wants to make things right but he doesn’t know how.”

“H-he said that?” Zoe asked, eyes widening. Miguel nodded. This proved too much for Zoe; she doubled over, tears streaming down her face. Miguel hesitated before moving forward. He gently touched Zoe’s arms, and she fell into him, sobbing into his shirt. 

“Sorry,” Zoe sniffled a few minutes later, pulling away. “That was dumb. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Miguel quirked a brow. “Why are you apologizing for crying?”

Zoe shrugged, scuffing her shoe along the floor. “I don’t even know you, and I just got snot all over your shirt.”

Miguel shrugged. “Not the first time someone has gotten snot all over my shirt,” he assured her, glancing at Connor.

Zoe followed his gaze, frowning. “I haven’t seen my brother cry in years.”

“Well, don’t tell him I told you. He’ll kill me,” Miguel sighed. “I’m saying too much.”

“If he wakes up...” Zoe said softly, swiping her hands under her eyes to dry them. 

Miguel rubbed Zoe’s back. “Hey, try not to think about that, okay?”

Zoe sniffled, but nodded.

“Zoe, we need to head home now.” Cynthia paused in the doorway, frowning. When Zoe and Miguel turned, though, her face lit up. “Oh! Miguel, right? I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you at first.”

Miguel shrugged, crossing his arms. “It’s alright, Mrs. Murphy.”

“No, no, call me Cynthia.” She smiled at him. “It’s so sweet of you to visit Connor.”

“How’s he... Is he doing any better?” Miguel asked, playing with the leather bracelet Connor had gifted him for Valentine’s Day. He knew immediately that Connor’s status hadn’t changed; Mrs. Murphy had tears in her eyes that weren’t there before.

“No, nothing has changed,” she managed to choke out. “The doctor’s say that isn’t unusual with overdo- with patients in Connor’s condition. It could take a few days before we see any kind of improve- any kind of change.”

Miguel fought to keep his expression neutral. He was angry at Mrs. Murphy. She was clearly ashamed to discuss Connor’s overdose. But his gut clenched when she hesitated over the word “improvement.” Like she didn’t want to say he would improve because he might not. Like the doctor’s didn’t think he would improve.

“Zoe, we really need to be going.” Mrs. Murphy frowned at Miguel. “We have family coming in from out of town. They’re...”

“In case Connor dies and we need sympathy pie and help with the dishes?” Zoe snapped.

“Zoe!” Cynthia gasped.

“Did you even tell them it was a suicide attempt? Or is that too much for their pure, conservative hearts to handle?”

“Zoe,” Cynthia cried, glancing anxiously at Miguel, then back to Zoe. “How dare you!”

Zoe sneered at her mother. “You know, I don’t think I’m ready to go home just yet. No way I can sit there and listen to some crazy old ladies shit talk Connor when he’s...”

“I can’t just leave you here, Zoe,” Cynthia retorted, sounding exasperated.

“I’ll take her home after visiting hours end,” Miguel said suddenly. 

Both Zoe and Cynthia turned to stare at him. He almost regretted it, but he knew it’s what Connor would want. Zoe shot him a grateful smile. But Cynthia looked wary.

“I don’t know... I don’t even know you. I don’t know if I feel comfortable with my daughter being alone in a car with you...”

“I’m not a stranger, I’m Connor’s friend,” Miguel reminded her. “And I’m hella gay, so she’s safe from any funny business.”

Cynthia’s eyes went wide with shock at his statement; it was one thing to see Miguel and Jared holding hands, another for Miguel to make such a bold pronouncement. Zoe snorted into her hand, making Miguel grin. 

“Well.. Well... Fine. Just... straight home from the hospital, alright?”

“I can’t promise I’ll do _anything_ straight, but I’ll try,” Miguel shrugged, grinning when this earned him a cackle from Zoe, and a look of abject horror from Cynthia.

Cynthia spluttered something unintelligible, then bolted.

Zoe snickered into her hand, shaking her head. “Thanks, I needed that.”

Miguel shrugged. “It’s cool. Happy to be the comic relief. That’s usually Jared’s role, so..”

Zoe frowned at him. Miguel shifted uncomfortably under her gaze.

They fell into a (strangely) comfortable silence for the rest of visiting hours. When it was time to leave, they climbed into Miguel’s car, and Miguel started driving as soon as Zoe was buckled in.

“I need to give you directions,” Zoe reminded him.

“Ah, nope,” Miguel shrugged. “I said we didn’t hang out at your house; doesn’t mean I never drove Connor home.”

Zoe frowned questioningly at him again. “Why do I feel like you’re not telling me something?”

“Why would I tell you _anything_? I’m not gonna betray all of Connor’s secrets to you just because he’s in a coma, _niña boba_.”

“And if he doesn’t wake up?” Zoe asked, before realizing what her words implied. She looked down in shame.

Miguel was quiet for several minutes. He shrugged. “If he doesn’t, then... Then I guess his secrets die with him.” He flinched at how harsh his words sounded. 

Zoe scowled out the window, refusing to look at or respond to Miguel after that. The second the car stopped in front of her house, Zoe scrambled out of the car. But she hesitated when she went to close the door. She glanced back at him, chewing on her lip. “I’m glad my brother has you and Jared. And that he’s not as alone as we all thought. He... He deserves friends.” She slammed the car door before Miguel could respond, escaping into the house.

Miguel frowned after her, then threw the car into drive and headed home.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And thus begins the actual alternate ending. Prepare yourself for angst and feels! Enjoy <3

And so it went for the next several days. Miguel would head right to the hospital after work and stay with Connor until visiting hours ended. Jared would meet him there after school most days. The Murphy’s were in and out, as well, though Cynthia and Zoe were there more often than Larry.

On the fourth day, Miguel was making his way down the hall, two coffees in hand – one for Cynthia and one for himself – when an alarm at the nurse’s station went off. The nurse picked up the phone, spitting instructions into it, then bolted down the hall. Two more nurses and a doctor ran past Miguel, nearly knocking him off balance. He scowled after them – until he realized they were running into Connor’s room.

Heart pounding in his chest, Miguel threw the coffees into the garbage and ran, skidding into Connor’s room - and nearly fell over with relief.

Connor was trying to sit up, arms and legs flailing as he attempted to pull out the IV, the tube down his throat, anything he could get his hands on. He was surrounded by doctors and nurses, all trying to hold him down. But every time they got too close, he lashed out. A few of his blows landed, if the grunts of pain were any indication.

“Connor,” Cynthia wailed, trying to run to his side, but Miguel wrapped his arms around her, holding her back. The doctors needed to work, and Miguel knew Connor would hate himself if he accidentally punched his mom.

At the sound of Cynthia’s voice, Connor stilled, eyes widening in panic. The doctors working on Connor jumped into action, using that moment to pin down Connor’s arms and legs and inject something into his IV. Connor grunted around the tube in his throat, struggling again before he seemed to slump in defeat. His eyes fluttered closed.

“What’s going on?” Cynthia cried, struggling against Miguel’s hold. “What did you do to him?”

“Mrs. Murphy,” said one of the doctors gently, stepping closer. Miguel was pretty sure her name was Dr. Reynolds. “We just sedated him; I promise, it was for his safety, as well as ours. He’ll be calmer when he wakes up again, and we’ll be able to take the breathing tube out.”

“Is he- Is Connor-“ Miguel swallowed, his throat dry. He blinked away tears. “Is he going to be okay?”

Dr. Reynolds frowned at him, maybe questioning who he was. But when Cynthia didn’t protest the question, she nodded. “I believe so. It’s a good sign that he’s awake. We’ll know more in a few hours.”

“Is that when he’ll wake up again?” Miguel asked, because Cynthia still seemed incapable of speaking.

“He should be awake in a few hours, yes. He’ll be groggy from the sedative, and we’ll be able to examine him and run some tests. A nurse will be in every half hour or so to check his vitals until then. You can stay with him.”

Once the room had cleared, Miguel let Cynthia go, and she ran to Connor’s side, resting her head on his chest and sobbing. Miguel stood back, not wanting to get in the way. After a few minutes, she kissed Connor on the forehead, then straightened up and turned to Miguel, looking dazed.

Miguel stepped closer, taking her hand in his. “He’s okay. Connor’s gonna be okay now.”

Cynthia smiled a watery smile, nodding. She let Miguel pull her into a hug.

“You’ve been such a good friend,” Cynthia finally said. “You and Jared both. Thank you.”

Miguel nodded, trying to smile.

“I need- Larry. And Zoe. I need to... I need to call Larry. And Zoe.. But-“ Cynthia glanced back at Connor, eyes filling with tears. 

“I can go get Zoe from school,” Miguel offered gently. “So you don’t have to leave him. I know they said he won’t be awake for awhile, but..”

“Thank you,” Cynthia sobbed, turning and hugging him again. “I’ll- Larry. I can call Larry.”

Miguel nodded. “Can- Is it okay if I bring Jared back here, too? I understand if you want just family for now-“

Cynthia waved him off, still looking dazed and not totally there. “You’re his friends. I’m sure he’ll want to see you when he’s awake. Thank you. Thank you.”

Miguel nodded. He promised Cynthia he’d be back, then made his way out of the room. It wasn’t until he was locked in the safety of his car that he let himself cry – giant, racking sobs. Tears of relief. Of hurt and anger. He didn’t want to be angry at Connor, but they’d come so fucking close to losing him... Miguel had to remind himself that they _hadn't_ lost him. That Connor was alive.

It was another ten minutes before he calmed down enough to drive. And even then, it took more effort than usual to pay attention to where he was going, and it took him twice as long to get to the school. When he did, he parked up front in the carpool lane, ignoring the school attendant who yelled at him that he couldn’t park there. He walked right past them and up onto the sidewalk, staring up at the school doors.

Jared came out of the building a few minutes later. Evan was by his side, and they were clearly arguing about something. It took Jared a minute to notice Miguel. He frowned, gripping his backpack straps tightly, his knuckles turning white. He walked stiffly to Miguel’s side, opened and closed his mouth, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to ask. Like he was afraid.

“He’s awake,” Miguel choked out, before Jared could assume the worst. “He woke up, _pendejo_. He’s going to be okay.”

Jared’s eyes widened, tears filling them. He choked out a sob, falling into Miguel’s arms. Miguel held him close, planting gentle kisses on his head.

“Are you sure? He’s okay? He’s really okay?” Jared begged, pulling away to stare intently at Miguel.

Miguel nodded. “They had to sedate him. He was trying to pull out his IV and breathing tube, and he was trying to punch and kick the doctors and nurses. So he’s asleep again for now. But he woke up; he’s going to be okay.”

Jared’s lip trembled as he fell back into Miguel’s arms, sobbing harder as Evan looked on, eyes wide with confusion and fear. He’d never seen Jared break down like this. Had no idea who the guy hugging Jared was. 

And then Zoe was there, standing on the steps of the school, frozen. She looked frantically from Miguel to Jared; neither of whom had noticed her yet. Her bag fell to the ground as she walked numbly towards them. When Miguel finally noticed her, he broke into a smile.

“Oh my god,” Zoe gasped, shaking. “He’s- Is-?”

“He’s awake,” Miguel confirmed, pulling Zoe into a group hug with him and Jared. Zoe let him, sobbing into his shoulder. “Can we see him? Can he have visitors?” Zoe demanded, sniffling.

Miguel nodded. “Yeah, I told your mom I’d come get you both. She’s calling your dad.”

“Let’s go,” Jared demanded, finally pulling away from Miguel. “What are we waiting for?”

Zoe blinked in confusion when Evan handed her backpack to her. She hadn’t even realized she’d dropped it. “Oh, thanks.”

Evan nodded, watching in confusion as Miguel, Jared and Zoe piled into Miguel’s car and drove away.

~*~*~

“He’s probably still sedated,” Miguel warned them as they rode the elevator up to Connor’s floor. “He’s probably still intubated, too. The doctor said he won’t wake up from the sedation for a few hours.”

When they entered Connor’s room, Larry was there with Cynthia. Zoe ran immediately into her mom’s arms. Cynthia wrapped her daughter in a tight embrace, and Larry rested his hand on her shoulder. 

Miguel pulled Jared against his side. They hung back, not wanting to get in the way.

“You three should go get something to eat,” Larry finally said, when he, Zoe and Cynthia had pulled apart. “He won’t be awake for awhile.”

“I don’t want to leave him,” Jared said desperately, lip quivering.

“I don’t either,” Zoe protested.

“We’ll let you know if anything changes,” Cynthia assured them.

“We’ll just go to the cafeteria,” Miguel said. “So we aren’t far. Would either of you like anything?” 

Cynthia and Larry shook their heads. Miguel took Jared’s hand and steered him out of the room, Zoe trailing behind.

~*~*~

None of them were actually hungry, so Miguel, Jared and Zoe sat around the table in silence, each nursing a coffee. Every once in awhile, Zoe would glance up at them, staring at their entwined hands.

She frowned at them, thinking about everything that had happened over the last four days. Finding Miguel in Connor’s room, holding his hand and talking gently to him; the way he and Jared had only left Connor’s side when they absolutely had to; the way Miguel had taken it upon himself to watch out for all of them.

“Are you really just friends with my brother?” she blurted. She regretted asking the second the words were out of her mouth, but she couldn’t take them back. 

Miguel and Jared glanced at her, then at each other. 

“We’re.. his friends,” Miguel said carefully. Jared nodded, gripping Miguel’s hand tighter.

Zoe frowned at them, but they didn’t elaborate. They knew Connor wasn’t out to his family, and it wasn’t their place to say anything, even if it felt weird to lie to Zoe. She narrowed her eyes at them, opening her mouth to protest, when her cell phone chimed with a text message. She frantically pulled it from her pocket, read it, and jumped to her feet.

“Connor’s awake.”

“Already?” Jared asked, startled. Miguel pulled him up and they followed Zoe back to Connor’s room. 

A doctor and two nurses stood beside Connor. Larry and Cynthia stood back a bit, Larry’s arms around his wife. Zoe stepped beside them, and Cynthia pulled Zoe in close. Once again, Jared and Miguel hung back, afraid of intruding.

“Connor,” Dr. Reynolds said gently. “We’re going to take the breathing tube out now. But I need you to sit still this time, okay?” Connor blinked up at the doctor, nodding weakly. Dr. Reynolds removed the tape holding the tube in, checked Connor’s airway one more time, then deflated the cuff. “Okay, I need you to take a deep breath, then cough, okay?” Connor nodded again, doing as he was told. And then the tube was out, and Connor was coughing more, struggling to sit up. She pushed him back down gently. “Don’t make me sedate you again, Connor.”

Connor glowered at her, but settled back against his pillows, coughing and clearing his throat, wincing. He still felt groggy, but he was becoming more alert, taking in the fact that his parents and Zoe were watching him.

“We’re going to check your vitals, and send you for some tests, okay? While you’re waiting for the tests, you can visit with your family and friends. But you need to take it easy, understand?”

Connor frowned at her. Friends? His eyes scanned the room, landing on Miguel and Jared. His eyes widened, and his heart monitor started beeping frantically. Dr. Reynolds turned, following Connor’s gaze. 

“I’m sorry, you need to leave,” Dr. Reynolds said firmly.

“No!” Jared cried, trying to run forward, but Miguel held him back. “Connor!”

Connor shook his head frantically, scrambling to sit up. Cynthia rushed to his side, trying to calm him down.

“You’re upsetting my patient,” Dr. Reynolds snapped. “Leave or security will escort you out.”

Miguel tugged Jared back gently. “Come on, _pendejo_.” He pulled Jared out of the room. “We’ll get to see him later. It’s too much right now.”

Jared fell into the comfort and safety of Miguel’s arms, sobbing into them. “What if he doesn’t want to see us? Why wouldn’t he want to see us?”

“He just woke up, _pendejo_ ,” Miguel said softly, kissing the top of his head. “He’s confused and groggy. The doctors need to examine him and run some tests. He’ll be okay, and we’ll get to see him later.”

~*~*~

Two hours and twenty tests later, Connor was back in his room, glaring sullenly at his lap, refusing to answer anyone’s questions. 

“Alright,” Dr. Reynolds said after awhile, giving up. She turned to Larry and Cynthia. “All his tests came back clear. We’ll hold him overnight for observation, and then transfer him to the psych ward for a 72-hour mandatory hold tomorrow. After that, we can discuss in-patient treatment options.”

“Fuck you,” Connor snapped, his voice cracking, throat on fire.

It said a lot that no one yelled at him to mind his language; everyone was still too relieved that he had actually woken up to scold him.

“Connor, sweetie,” Cynthia said gently, moving to his side. She tried to take his hand, but he slapped her away.

“No,” he snapped, glaring at her. “No, don’t touch me.” His hands were shaking, so he crossed his arms to hide it. 

“Connor-“ Larry said firmly, stepping closer. 

“Fuck you,” Connor snapped. He scowled down at his lap to hide the tears in his eyes, and hoped they hadn’t noticed his voice shaking with fear.

Zoe slipped out of the room in search of Miguel and Jared. She knew Connor had freaked out when he’d first seen them, but maybe they could talk some sense into him.

She found them around the corner, in a small lounge. Miguel was sitting on one of the couches, Jared lying with his head in Miguel’s lap. They sat up when they saw her.

“Connor won’t talk to anyone,” she said, with no preamble. “Maybe he’ll talk to you.”

Miguel nodded, taking Jared’s hand and following Zoe back to Connor’s room, where a nurse was checking his vitals. Cynthia and Larry were outside the room, standing a little ways down, talking to Dr. Reynolds. Zoe nodded at Miguel and Jared to go in, then wandered off to see her parents.

But when Connor saw them, his eyes widened in shock, and his heart monitor started beeping wildly again.

“No,” Connor snapped, his voice cracking with panic. “Fucking no. Go away. Get them out. No.” He was shaking like a leaf, struggling to sit up. “Go the fuck away!”

The nurse jumped into action. “You need to leave, you’re upsetting my patient.” She shooed Jared and Miguel out the door.

But Miguel had finally lost it.

He’d been trying to stay calm, to be there for Jared and Zoe and the Murphy’s. But four days of not knowing, of preparing for the worst, of not sleeping, had finally gotten to him. 

He finally cracked.

“Fuck you,” Miguel snarled. “I don’t give a _fuck_ if I’m upsetting him. He’s my _boyfriend_ , and I’ll see him whether he wants to talk to me or not.”

As Miguel spoke, his voice rose in volume until he was yelling at the top of his lungs.

Everyone was staring at him – the nurse, Jared, the Murphy’s.

Especially the Murphy’s. 

Miguel shoved past the nurse, glaring at Connor as he approached his bed. Connor was staring at him with wide eyes, still trembling. Jared ran in after him, grabbing his hand.

“Babe,” Jared said softly, glancing anxiously at him, then Connor. 

Miguel shook him off, taking a deep breath before going off on Connor in Spanish. By the time he was done, tears were streaming down his face. 

“Dude,” Jared said, blinking at him. “I have no idea what you just said but you’re officially scaring me.”

Miguel huffed, taking a few deep breaths before grabbing Connor’s hand and kissing his knuckles. “I’m sorry, _principito_ , I’m sorry. I- fuck.” He blinked back tears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell, but _fuck_. You scared the _shit_ out of us. How could you do that to us? How could you try to leave us?”

Connor was crying now, too. “I’m sorry,” he croaked, coughing. “I’m so sorry. I just-“ He cut off, shaking his head. “I let you both down,” he mumbled, swallowing hard. “I- I didn’t think... I figured you’d h-hate me..”

“Never,” Jared said firmly, taking Connor’s other hand in his. “We could never hate you. You _scared_ us, Con. We thought we’d lost you. We thought-“ Now Jared was sobbing. “The last thing I said to you was that stupid school shooter joke, and I just- I would never have forgiven myself if-if-“

Connor shook his head, sniffling. “I knew you were joking,” he said, putting as much conviction into his voice as he could. He still felt weak and groggy. “I swear, that had _nothing_ to do with- with what I did.”

“Then _why_?” Miguel demanded. “Why didn’t you talk to us, _principito_? We would have been there for you.”

“I didn’t- I thought-“ Connor sniffled, shaking his head as more tears fell. “I just- I thought you would be better off without me.”

Miguel felt like he’d been slapped. Jared let out a choked sob.

“I’ve been...” Connor shook his head. “Spiraling, I guess? For a while. And my brain kept telling me you two had each other, and you’d be fine. My family would be better off without me burdening them. And you two had each other. And- I was just... in the way? Taking up space and- and- I just.” Connor gripped their hands tighter, staring at his lap. He shrugged. His brain felt fuzzy, and he couldn’t explain it. He couldn’t put it into words.

“Connor, we _love_ you, you idiot,” Miguel snapped. “There’s no _us_ without _you_.”

Connor felt tears in his eyes again. He was so tired of crying. He shook his head. “I’m so.. tired.” He let out a shaky breath. “Tired of fighting. Of feeling like this all the time. I just.. didn’t want to feel anymore. I-“ He cut off, staring at something behind them, his heart monitor going wild again.

Jared and Miguel turned, making eye contact with Larry and Cynthia, who looked shell-shocked and confused. And Zoe, who had an unreadable expression on her face.

Larry opened his mouth to say something when the nurse from before rushed in with Dr. Reynolds and another nurse.

“Okay, everyone, out,” Dr. Reynolds said firmly. “Connor needs to rest. You can all come back tomorrow.

Connor shrunk into himself, staring at his lap. Miguel stared defiantly at everyone in the room, before turning back to Connor and kissing the top of his head. He reluctantly let go of Connor’s hand. Jared cowered under Larry Murphy’s stony expression, but he gave Connor a kiss on the cheek before letting Miguel pull him from the room. What the hell, right? Miguel had accidentally outed them all, anyway.

They were halfway down the hall when Zoe caught up to them.

“Friends, huh?” she asked, sounding hurt, betrayal in her eyes.

“It wasn’t our place to tell you,” Miguel said flatly. “I shouldn’t have gone off like that, either. That was for Connor to tell you all when he was ready. I-I just... lost my temper. I’m sorry.”

Zoe frowned. “I don’t get it, though,” she said, as her parents stepped up beside her. Cynthia looked confused and uncertain; Larry was just staring blankly at them. “I thought... I thought you two were-? But.. you- you called Connor your boyfriend..?”

Miguel shuffled uncomfortably under the watchful eyes of the Murphy’s. Jared was gripping his hand painfully.

“We’re-“ Miguel paused, swallowing thickly. “It’s complicated.”

“Bullshit,” Zoe snapped. “Tell me the truth.”

Miguel gritted his teeth. “I’ve said more than I should. We should go. I’m sorry for screaming earlier.” He gently tugged Jared along. He could feel the Murphy’s staring after them, but he didn’t turn around to look.

~*~*~

“I can’t believe I did that,” Miguel grumbled, so beyond angry with himself.

They were in Jared’s room, curled up together on the bed. 

“Connor’s never going to speak to me again,” he added dully. A throbbing headache was forming behind his eyes. He rubbed a hand over them, sighing.

“I think Zoe knew,” Jared said softly. “Like, before you yelled at the top of your lungs that Connor was your boyfriend.”

Miguel huffed in frustration. “Yeah, she probably did. She, uh- She walked in on me holding his hand and talking to him? She was kind of suspicious then, so.”

“Really?” Jared asked in surprise. “You didn’t tell me that.”

Miguel shrugged. “Didn’t wanna draw anymore attention to it, and you have a _horrible_ poker face, _pendejo_. If you knew she suspected, you’d never act normal.”

“Hey,” Jared protested, lightly slapping him.

Miguel smiled softly, kissing the top of his head. 

“Do you think Connor will ever forgive me?” Miguel asked after a moment, his voice so small and sad.

Jared frowned. He was so used to Miguel being the strong one...

He sat up, then pulled Miguel into his arms and held him. “Of course he will. It probably wasn’t how he pictured coming out to them, but he loves you, and once he feels better, he’ll realize you were just upset and didn’t mean to blurt it out like that.”

Miguel tried to nod, tried to believe Jared, but he broke down crying instead, holding tightly to Jared, letting Jared rub his back and shower him in kisses.

“It’ll be okay,” Jared assured him, when Miguel’s sobs turned into sniffles after a few minutes. “We’ll go visit him tomorrow. It’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

~*~*~

They did not, however, get to visit Connor the next day. When they arrived at the hospital, they ran into the Murphy’s as they were leaving, and informed them that Connor had already been sent up for a 72-hour mandatory psychiatric hold.

“But- but I thought we’d get to see him before that happened,” Jared spluttered. Miguel wrapped his arm around him, and Jared sank into it. 

“Connor-“ Cynthia paused, blinking back tears. “He- had another episode.”

“What does that mean?” Miguel demanded. “Is he okay?”

“He had a- They said it was a panic attack.” Larry made a face, like it felt weird for him to say those words, to admit that’s what it was. A pained look followed, and he shook his head. “He tried to pull his IVs out and kicked a nurse. They had to sedate him, and immediately sent him upstairs to be monitored.”

Miguel swallowed back his tears. “Will we- can we see him after? Before he- is he going-?“

Larry stared at Miguel, his expression unreadable. “He’s going into in-patient treatment after the 72-hour hold. And I don’t know that he should have visitors before that happens.”

Miguel wanted to punch Larry Murphy in the face, as hard as he could. Larry must have seen something in his eyes, because he took a step back. 

“Dad,” Zoe protested. “They’re Connor’s... friends.” She glanced uncertainly at Miguel and Jared, then looked to her parents. “They deserve a chance to see him. And maybe- maybe Connor needs to know they’re here. Maybe he’ll.. Maybe it’ll give him something to fight for. In treatment.”

Larry’s jaw clenched, but he nodded. 

“I’ll text you when you can visit,” Zoe promised them, before her mom tugged her away.

Miguel and Jared watched them go, feeling tired and sad and defeated.

“Come on, _pendejo_. Let’s go.. We can get some stuff from your place and then you can stay at mine, if you don’t think your parents will mind you staying over on a school night.”

Jared shrugged. “I doubt they’ll mind. And I don’t want to be alone tonight, so.”

Miguel kissed the side of his head, then lead Jared back out to the car and they drove off.

~*~*~

The next three days dragged painfully. Jared and Miguel barely left each other’s sides. Neither slept well, especially Jared, who kept waking up crying. He refused to tell Miguel what was wrong until the third night, when he woke up screaming Connor’s name.

“ _Pendejo_ , talk to me,” Miguel pleaded, holding a shaking Jared in his arms. 

Jared buried his face in Miguel’s shirt, sniffling. “I-I keep dreaming that he’s dead. That we lost him. Every time I close my eyes, I-“

“Shhh,” Miguel hushed him, planting kisses on his head. He pulled Jared into a sitting position, brushing his sweaty hair off his face. “We didn’t lose him, _pendejo_. He’s alive, okay? We haven’t lost him. We _won't_ lose him.”

Jared sniffled, nodding. When Miguel started to pull away, Jared whined and threw his arms around him. 

“I’m just going to make us some hot chocolate, okay? It’ll help you sleep. I’ll be right back, I promise.”

Jared nodded, reluctantly letting Miguel go.

Miguel hurried down to the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as he could so he didn’t wake his abuela, whose room was closest to the kitchen. He balanced the hot chocolate carefully as he made his way back to Jared. 

“Thanks,” Jared said gratefully. He held the hot cup in his hands, letting it chase away his chills. Miguel sat cross-legged beside him and they drank their hot chocolate in silence. When they were done, Miguel wrapped them up under the covers, pulling Jared close. 

“You’re safe, _pendejo_ ,” Miguel assured him. “And Connor’s okay. He’s alive and he’s going to get the help he needs, okay?”

Jared nodded against his shoulder, breathing in Miguel’s comforting scent. It took awhile, but he eventually fell back into an uneasy sleep.

~*~*~

“What’s in the bag?” Miguel asked, glancing at Jared as they drove to the hospital the next day. Zoe had texted, assuring them their names were on a list at the front desk so they could get in to see Connor, whether the Murphy’s were there yet or not. 

Jared clutched the bag in his lap. “A gift for Connor. Something to remind him we’re going to be here for him when he gets out.”

Miguel placed a hand on Jared’s leg as he pulled into the parking garage. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate that, _pendejo_.”

They checked in at the front desk. It took a lot of begging before the staff would allow Jared to bring his bag with Connor’s surprise in. Thankfully, Zoe and Cynthia were there (Larry was down the hall making some phone calls) and helped convince the doctor and psychologist that Jared’s present would help Connor, and not be something he could hurt himself with. 

“Only two visitors at a time,” the nurse said firmly, once everything was handled. 

“I’ll go check on your father,” Cynthia said to Zoe. “We can visit Connor later.”

Zoe watched her go, then turned to Jared and Miguel. “You guys can go first. I was visiting with him earlier. And I can act as look out.”

“Look out?” Miguel questioned, quirking a brow. 

Zoe shrugged, a glint in her eye. “So my parents don’t walk in unannounced. In case you two want to, you know, cuddle your boyfriend.”

Jared stiffened, eyes wide. Miguel frowned at her, but didn’t say anything; he waited for her to speak, not wanting to offer any information she hadn’t already worked out for herself. 

“I’m not stupid,” she said with an eye roll. “It’s not what I expected, honestly, but as long as you treat him right, that’s all I care about.” She frowned at them both. “If either of you hurt him, I’ll kill you.”

Jared and Miguel exchanged looks, then nodded. 

“I get why you didn’t tell me, but I’m still mad you lied to me,” Zoe added. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Just go see him, okay?”

Miguel took Jared’s hand then lead him in to Connor’s room. He was already dressed, ready whenever his parents told him it was time to go. The treatment center was an hour away, and he had to be there by 3pm to check-in.

As Miguel and Jared approached Connor’s bed, they realized his eyes were closed, so they stood by his side, each holding one of his hands. After a few minutes, Connor’s eyes fluttered open and he smiled softly at them.

“Hey,” he managed, clearing his throat. He licked his dry lips, smiling gratefully when Miguel handed him a cup of water from his bedside table. “Thanks.”

“How do you feel?” Jared asked, gripping Connor’s hand tighter. 

Connor shrugged. “They started me on some meds, but they’re still adjusting the dosage, so I’m kinda sleepy.”

“We won’t stay long if you need some rest,” Miguel said gently. 

“Need to see you more than I need to rest,” Connor assured him, glancing at them in turn, squeezing their hands as tightly as he could. “I’m.. I’m sorry I freaked out on you when you came to visit me that first time.” He paused, blinking back tears. “I’m sorry I scared you. I don’t deserve either of you. I- I understand if you want to-to break-“

“Don’t even say it,” Jared scolded him. “We love you, Con. We’re here for you, no matter what.” He kissed the back of Connor’s hand, squeezing gently. 

Connor sniffled, shaking his head. “I don’t deserve either of you.”

“You do, and you’re stuck with us,” Miguel said with a small smile. “Sorry. Can’t get rid of us that easily.” He frowned, swallowing hard. “I’m sorry that I- that I outed you to your parents the other day. I didn’t mean to, I was just so upset and so scared and I- I spoke without thinking.”

Connor tugged gently on Miguel’s hand. Miguel got the hint and leaned closer so Connor could kiss him. “Not your fault. They would have found out sooner or later, anyway.”

“Still, it wasn’t cool of me-“

“Stop it,” Connor demanded. “I’m not mad at you, okay? And it’s fine, anyway. Zoe’s cool about it, and even my mom seemed okay with it. I think my dad’s... well, you know how he is. But apparently, I have to do family therapy with them, in addition to group and one-on-one. So. I guess we’ll be discussing it there.” He grimaced, running a shaking hand through his hair. 

“I have something for you,” Jared said, after several minutes of silence. He put his bag on Connor’s bed, unzipping it. “Hopefully your parents can convince the in-patient staff to let you keep it. But-“

He pulled his rainbow unicorn stuffed animal out of his bag and handed it to Connor; it was the one Connor had won for him at the carnival.

Connor’s mouth dropped open. “You’re giving me Lucky? I can’t- you love him.”

“Just while you’re in treatment,” Jared clarified. “To keep you safe and remind you that Miguel and I love you and we’ll be here when you get out.”

Connor clutched the stuffed animal to his chest, chin trembling. “I’ll keep him safe, too, I promise.”

Jared glanced behind him to make sure no one had come in, then crawled into bed beside Connor, curling up alongside him. 

“I know you will,” he said, resting his head against Connor’s chest and closing his eyes. 

Connor rubbed his back with his free hand, his other hand still clutching Lucky close. 

“Hey, I feel left out,” Miguel pouted. 

Connor rolled his eyes, motioning for Miguel to join them. Miguel grinned and got on Connor’s other side, nearly falling out of the too-small bed. Connor snickered, pulling him closer, so Miguel was half on top of Connor.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Miguel protested, trying to move away a little, but Connor let go of Lucky long enough to pull Miguel close again. 

“I’m not a porcelain doll,” Connor argued. “I won’t break if you lay on me.”

Miguel frowned but nodded, settling back on Connor.

~*~*~

“Hey, wake up. Guys, come on, you have to wake up.”

Miguel slowly opened his eyes, squinting up at Zoe. He frowned. What the- ?

And then he remembered. 

He and Jared were in Connor’s hospital room. In Connor’s bed, curled up with him. And Zoe was staring at them, a frown on her face. 

“My parents will be coming in here any minute, I’m sorry to wake you, but you have to get up.”

Miguel sighed, burying his face in Connor’s neck and kissing him before reluctantly shaking Jared awake. 

“Come on _pendejo_ , time to get up.”

Jared protested, but eventually followed Miguel and climbed off the bed. The movement startled Connor awake.

“What’s going on?” He grumbled, clutching Lucky tighter. He opened his eyes. “Where are you going?” He whined, voice shaking. 

And then he glanced up at Zoe. 

“Oh..”

Zoe hesitated before taking Connor’s hand. “Mom and dad are coming. It’s.. it’s almost time.”

Tears filled Connor’s eyes. He glanced anxiously at Miguel and Jared, who both stepped closer. Jared took the hand Zoe wasn’t holding, and Miguel placed his hand on Connor’s arm.

“It’s okay, _principito_. We’ll visit as often as they let us, and we’ll be here when you get out. Just focus on getting well, okay?”

Connor nodded. Zoe cleared her throat loudly, and they all stepped back and glanced behind them as Larry and Cynthia stepped into the room. Larry eyed the unicorn Connor was clutching, but didn’t say anything. 

“It’s time.”

Connor glanced at his parents, then back at his boyfriends, tears filling his eyes. He stood on shaky legs, Lucky held tight against his chest. 

“Walk with me?” Connor begged, glancing from Miguel to Jared. 

They nodded. Jared took Connor’s hand, and Miguel wrapped an arm around his waist. Together, they had formed a Connor Sandwich. Larry frowned at them and Cynthia offered a tentative - if confused - smile. Zoe trailer behind her brother and his boyfriends - still weird to think - as they made they’re way outside to the Murphy’s car. 

Cynthia nudged her husband, mumbling something that Connor couldn’t quite hear, although he thought he caught the word “privacy.” Zoe followed her parents, climbing into the car.

And then it was just Connor, Jared and Miguel. 

Connor clutched Lucky even tighter, turning to face them, but refusing to make eye contact with them. 

“You’re going to be okay, _principito_ ,” Miguel assured him. “You’re strong, and you’re stubborn. And we’ll be here, okay? We love you and we’ll be here.”

Connor nodded, tears welling in his eyes.

“And Lucky will keep you safe,” Jared joked, patting the unicorn on the head, then resting his hand on Connor’s cheek. Connor closed his eyes, tilting his face into the touch. 

“Connor, sweetie, we have to go,” Cynthia called out the car window to him.

Connor slumped, opening his eyes and blinking back tears. He took a shaky breath in, then leaned forward and kissed Miguel. Miguel pulled him in for a hug, running his fingers through Connor’s hair.

When they broke apart, Connor turned and kissed Jared. Jared squeezed him in an extra tight hug, kissing his neck, cheek and forehead. 

Reluctantly, Connor pulled back, sniffling, playing absentmindedly with Lucky’s soft ears.

“Focus on getting better, okay?” Jared said firmly, leaning in for one more quick kiss. “We love you.”

“We love you, _principito_ ,” Miguel echoed, mimicking Jared and stealing another kiss. 

“I love you guys, too,” Connor sniffled. “Well.. See you in a few months,” he said with a short laugh, turning to get in the car. At the last second, he swung back around and grabbed them in a fierce group hug, clinging to them until his mom called again that they had to go. He reluctantly pulled away and climbed into the car, staring after them as the car pulled away. 

Miguel and Jared stayed there, rooted to the spot, waving until they couldn’t see the car anymore. Jared sniffled, swiping at the tears that had started to fall again. 

“I miss him already,” Jared sighed.

“I know, _pendejo_ , but Connor’s in good hands.”

“I meant Lucky,” Jared huffed. 

“I- what?” Miguel blinked down at him. He could tell from the look on Jared’s face that he was trying hard not to start crying again. Miguel frowned. Jared was clearly using sarcasm as a defense mechanism so he wouldn’t have to process his feelings. It was something he hadn’t done in a long time, but Miguel didn’t call him on it - they’d all had a rough couple of weeks. 

“He better keep him safe,” Jared mumbled, gripping Miguel’s hand tighter. 

Miguel wasn’t sure if Jared meant Connor better keep Lucky safe, or vice verse. But he had a feeling it was the latter. 

“He’ll be fine, _pendejo_ ,” Miguel murmured, pulling Jared close. “I promise.”


End file.
